TAKE CARE OF THAT MENTAL WEIGHT

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This was before my constant walking, trying to eat RIGHT and suffering a mini-stroke. I had lost weight before. I lost 75lbs.




I wore a size 16. To some women, being a 16 is comfortable. For years, I was very comfortable w/ my body. Being five feet two, some say I was stocky, not obese. But others inside and outside of my family had an ongoing pressure for me to lose some weight.. That led me to some destructive behaviors.




One day at my former employer (the Post Office) a couple of ex co-workers mentioned about my size 16 frame. One explained that she lost all of this weight by eating one meal-a-day and worked out whenever she could. Now remember, I was naïve 20 something year old who thought every elder was right. So I tried her dangerous regimen.




I used my mothers standard bike. I rode the bike every day for 45 minutes. I also used her soloflex for toning and strengthening for 3 days a week. Sounds like I was doing everything right?........right? Nope! When a person is trying is trying to lose weight, although you are supposed to cut calories, you are supposed to eat. Back then, I only consumed one meal a day. Thats it




But I have to say, the pounds melted away like hot butter. Obviously, I was sitting on top of the world and no one could not tell me anything. UNIQUE THOUGHT SHE WAS DA BOMB! Yet, while I was feeling on this high, my joy was quickly exploding.




There was whispers at that job how I was soooooo skinny. There was rumors contagiously flying around the Post Office faster than the electronic mail. The first rumor: I had leukemia. The next rumor: I was doing drugs. But third and biggest and hurtful rumor: I had AIDS. During my breaks was my eating time. And when I did eat, I felt as though I was on stage in front of an audience. I have eyes on the left and right of me watching me what I eat and how I ate it.




But worse of all, the person who I thought love me for me made horrible fun at me. He would talk about my shriveled body during sex (When you lose weight fast like that, there will be hanging skin.). You would think I would be feeling good while we call ourselves having sweet sex, but it was sourer. This bombard of name calling and pressure had waned heavily on my self-esteem.




Some African Americans believes its unheard of that a black woman can become anorexic or bulimic. Well, its possible. I should know because I let unnecessary pressure and my ex-boyfriends infidelity get to me. I occasionally tried to purge most of my meals a year after I lost those 75lbs. That was a dangerous obsession. I didnt realize I was abusing my body until 5 years ago.




After that fraud of losing 75lbs, Greg and I splitting, and losing my job at the Post Office, I moved back w/ my sick mother. Self-pity spread my soul like cancer. I began to eat my ass off! My commitment and my self-esteem had deflated. I hated myself. I went from a dangerous DIEt to gaining all the weight back plus more.




The key to this story is crash diets do not work. NOT AT ALL. Nor trying to lose weight for reasons other than you is just as wrong.




It took me lose those 110lbs for two years and been keeping it off for 5 1/2 years. I may have gained 15lbs, but I refused to crawl under a rock and hide. Im still walking. But I have to re-train myself on portion controls. I will not lose these 15 or 20 lbs fast. I am not a celebrity that is supposed to walk on a red carpet. Not to sound conceited, but I love ME. Anyone who is losing weight, should love themselves too. Anyone can lose the weight on the outside, but take care of mental weight too. I put my body through so much to realize that.


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