TRAPPED WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN

Trapped in darkness with my eyes wide open
Feeling around like a lost little girl
in the vast, emptiness of this cruel world

Sadness is not defined by my blank stare
or the tears streaming down my face
staining my curly black hair
or the anxiety I feel in my heart
numbing paralysis
feeling like my soul is drifting apart

It’s an indescribable emotion
that some may not understand
They tell you to snap out of it
or just to bow your head with
praying hands

Unrealistic effortless emotion
is surreal is like a purple sun
Metastasize like a tumor
from your mind to your tongue

A whirlwind spinning out of control
falling rapidly in a deep black hole
You fight for every breath
even though your soul is alive
Suffocating intently
as you began to panic and cry

Wanting break free from this
Spiritual cancer
Shackling me down
where I can’t see the answer
Fearing of what lies ahead
through the darkness of
uncertainty
Needing to move on,
Needing to break free
Needing to once again to be
me

Trapped with my eyes wide open
Squirming away from the spiritual
adversary hold
Lingering for a new day
for this bruised and
tattered soul

Speculation is an old innovation
of trapped minds
Desolation is mere dust
envelop by the cruel hand
of time

My steps are as valiant
as lavender spring flowers
Revitalization is my essential
superpower

Sometimes the somberness
will always be a part me
Yet, the darkness….
will never, ever, defeat
me!

© 2009, Imani Wisdom

Pink Noire Publications, LLC

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I Bend, But I Don't Break!

I once have had,

and now it’s gone

You can’t bring back

yesterdays,

or cry what has been

Echoes of old laughter

flood my mind

Despite the swelling feelings

brewing inside

Choose to run or hide

but I hold my head

up high..,

I smile

Stretchin’ that dollar

from fifteen cents

for bills

for food

for clothes

and yet sometimes

you just don’t know

when the unexpected

happens

Still, from all it said and done...

I smile

How can someone smile

despite waking to clouds

of uncertainty?

Staying optimistic when the rain

won’t stop,

or hurried winds sweepin’ your mood

How can anyone stay positive

when life is cruel?

Well, I don’t know ‘bout you,

but I smile

If darkness arise from nowhere

Lift your head unashamed

Weeping is temporary,

but joy comes in the morning

 You think you’re breakable

when in truth you only

bend

Straighten yourself up, my friend

and smile

How can anyone smile knowing

their life’s out of control?

Or question God’s intention

and significant role?

How can anyone continue to dream

when doors are jammed shut?

Or thing when goes awry and nothing

what it seems?

Or the proverbs of their words

taste bitter than sweet?

Yet there’s always a reason to smile .Nothing, no one, not even the worst of my enemies can stop the sunshine. I smile because I want to, not because I can. My smile represents my strength, my inner bond. It’s a shield against doubts, as well as signifying I’m charge of my life. As long as I have breath in this body, my defining moments will be the ones I create, and not the destructive thoughts from man. And that’s what freewill is about – making your choices. So, I choose a simplistic form of healing that never cost a dime; it’s effortless as you’re breathing right now – I choose to smile. 

©Imani Wisdom, 2013

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How This Little Girl Coped With Awkwardness

I remembered being the shy and quiet kid in grade school that stayed to herself because being around people was an uncomfortable experience. My big, round head, skinny, iddy-biddy legs, and glasses with bifocals (yes, bifocals at five year old), didn't help my awkwardness. I got teased, horribly. And to add insult to injury, I had a speech impediment.

Yes, I was one of those students you would see in the movies who gets thrown in their locker; or get tripped by the class jocky-jerk in the cafeteria while carrying a tray of food; or become a victim of innovative name-calling (or joning, in my later academic years); or find herself isolated not because she wanted to, but because no one could connect with her. I mean, I even thought being left-handed was strange.

My escape from the cruel and unforgiving world at that time was my vivid imagination. Those very images of whatever or whoever was my solace, and safe to say, still is. But I’d often wondered the disconnect I had with others. Of course I had a friend or two, and then later in high school I hung with a small group of quiet and reserved students like me but not with the popular cliques. Looking back on it, I find myself in the midst of quiet company today. Perhaps I haven’t outgrown the awkwardness, just find it comforting.

This trend, if you want to call it that, frenzied through my adult years. The unforgettable twenties – a time period we thought we knew it all, and most likely tried to do it all. The unimaginable thirties, when life reminds you aren't twenty anymore. And of course, the forties, when you look back the last twenty years and ask yourself: “Did I really do that?”

For me when I look back and remembered the years of awkwardness, being uncomfortable in large crowds, or having me time like an event for the ages, I thought they were antisocial tendencies, a desire of not wanting to be around people. Then one day I read an interesting article about the traits of introversion and career choices.

Introversion, according to the Free Online Dictionary, is the directing interesting inwards towards one thought and feelings rather than towards the external world or making social contacts, or the act of directing one’s interests or to things within self. However in Imani’s world: I don’t see people or conversations in black and white; I see everything as an in-between, straight-forward without small-talk, and yet sit back and quietly observe the minute details of living things: The way people carrying themselves; such as, speaking, their body language, and even how they blink.

23 Signs You’re Secretly An Introvert

Are You An Introvert Or AnExtrovert? What It Means For Your Career?

In retrospect, I've done all of those things, including daydream my way through twelve years of grade, middle, and high school. My introverted personality became an open door to many opportunities. Sounds crazy, but it has.

Another thing I've learned is the difference between shyness and introversion. Shyness, according to Susan Cain of Psychology Today, wrote, “Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments”. The vast misconception of these traits isn't unusual. I didn't comprehend the definitions until later in my adult years, and even then I had the notion of introverted-souls were creepy for the outlandish.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts

Now that I've reached the fabulous age of forty-two, I've come to terms of who I am. I’m a lot more than just a writer and storyteller, but been blessed with a unique personality. I used to ask God what was wrong with me: Am I a defect. Why do I feel ill at ease around people?

But you know, I had to stop questioning His intention and live life. My introverted personality was by far no accident whatsoever! And it also don’t matter what others think, but how I respond.

Wouldn't it be something else if I go back in time to that bighead kid with skinny iddy-biddy legs, and look into her heavily-lined bifocals to tell her she isn't strange or awkward. Then I will also add: Continue to daydream and act out those daydreams into stories with your dolls. Because you just never know, your imagination could just payoff. 

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What Do These People Know About Success?

Have you ever had – as one-time Queen of Talk would say – that “ah-ha moment’? Well mine felt more of a KAPOW between the eyes.

I was doing one of my morning rituals – reading from one of my favorite online newspapers, and low and behold, I became befuddled from the first line of an article – Success: What does it means to you?

As simple as this question may be, I knew I could answer it in one breath, but I couldn't. So I stared at the question, as though as my computer could reply for me – hoping anything would kindle a slightest idea or thought, but nothing.

I was so determined to answer this question that I prayed and meditated for an answer that would satisfy my heart. Then while doing my usual morning run it finally hit me – success should not be by its definition(s) alone. However, according to the Free Online Dictionary website:

1. The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: attributed their success in business to hard work.

2.

a. The gaining of fame or prosperity: an artist spoiled by success.

b. The extent of such gain.

3. One that is successful: The plan was a success.

4. Obsolete A result or an outcome.

These definitions are well and good, but it’s meaningless if it doesn't come from the heart. And that was the problem I had: No heart.

So I went to the wonderful, world of social media to ask others this same question. And the response I've received was tremendous. Here’s what some had to say:

From Facebook:

Ernie Eans says - Success to me means that I can wake up everyday and be able do what I want and need to do and be able to look at myself in the mirror and say Job well done at the end of the day!

Author C. Michelle Ramsey says - Success means that I am walking in the destiny that God has ordained for me. That each day I am making my difference in someone's life no matter how small it may be. It may come through a word of encouragement, inspiration and empowerment through my stories, or something that I did that affected someone. Success means that whatever, goals and dreams I have set for myself I am progressing towards accomplishing them.

Author Tamyara Brown says - I believe success is being able to support yourself financially but also be able to be blessing to someone else. Being able to still be humble no matter the awards or accolades while lending your hand of help to up and coming artist. Success means overcoming those days you cried, ate Ramen noodles and still persevered.

Gibran Tariq Ali says - After spending 35 years in some of the toughest prisons in the country, success, for me, is the acknowledgment that I survived some of the harshest conditions known to man and yet I never lost sight of my dreams.

Kat Blu says - Success for me means being able to live authentically, true to myself (my values, my convictions, my joys) without requiring a "thumbs up" from others to do it. It means prospering in a way that enriches my life and the lives of others (i.e, win-win) and leaving behind a legacy (no matter how small) that contributes to making the world a better place even after I've left this plane of existence. (Success also means the little daily efforts made to accomplish the above.)

Kai Kaiology Mann says - For me success means that I am living my life in the fullness there of. That I am able to be myself, not worry about the next person, run my own race, and know that I am doing all that I can do to live out my purpose.

Hasan Malik says - Success is the ability to be totally honest with yourself, realize your shortcomings, and the wherewithal to become a better you... Smarter, wiser, more in tune with the world around you, and use the accumulation of knowledge in past achievements and failures in order to master any endeavor or pursuit. A defeatist believes that the end or loss of something is a reason to give up... A forward thinking or success minded person believes that the end, loss or failure of something is a new beginning and an opportunity to perfect or do something better.

Author Angelia Vernon Menchan says - Success is staying true to the integrity of who I am and making a difference in the life of others. Every time a mentee says Ms. A thanks for being there and truly listening without judging, I'm successful.

Radio Host, Smooth Drama says - Success is being comfortable in your own skin and being able on the regular to appreciate all the blessings you have bestowed and been bestowed upon.

From Twitter:

@aothitis says - striving to spread love care and joy to especially the children and people of the world

@Chicki663 says - 2 me, success means being free 2 do what I love, creating stories readers love and getting financial benefit from my work.

However, Cheryl Wells- Gordon from Facebook said it best:

Success for me, is being able to look back and say, I accomplished everything I said I would! To touch those dreams that were so far away when I was younger. To have loved so much and have been loved by so many. Being able to remember the good, the bad and the ugly and what kind of person it has made me today. To the young people, success isn't only about money. It's what you have done to prosper in life.

After reading these great answers, I've come to my own conclusion about success. For me if you can wake up in the morning with no regrets, subject to failure; and yet back on your feet; look back on the past and understand it’s only the past; putting fear aside for new journeys; finding your happiness, learning to forgive, accepting responsibility, and making conscious and positive efforts to make changes in your life, then to me that’s success. 

So what about you? What does success mean to you? Share your answer in the comment section. Who knows I may repost or retweet it on Facebook and Twitter. 

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A Message to the VIP's!

The other day I was perusing through my hard-drive and noticed the progress I've made in my writing. The growth in my storylines and characters were amazing, especially skimming through the pages. But I also noticed something else – all were completed, and the ones that weren't were at least to 50,000 words or more. Then it suddenly became apparent that my hard-drive was not a place to store my creative ideas but becoming a library of unpublished work. And, for me, that’s not a good thing.

The longer I gazed at one of my titles, the further my heart sank. My self-confidence, along with my namesake – faith (which means Imani) – had come to a sudden halt. Everything I’d believed up to that moment had crumbled into tiny, depressing pieces. So much so, I felt I was running backwards in a marathon on a slick oil surface, while my colleagues were happily skipping through the meadow to the halfway marker.

However and without over-dramatizing the situation, I’m at a better place than I were weeks ago. No, I haven’t inherited any money; nor found an agent – nothing remotely close. I discovered a common-sense approach to work though the chaos: learning to let go.

Now when I mean ‘letting go’, I don’t mean giving-up. The definition itself means to verbally act in defeat. And, this journey has far defeated me. When I mean ‘letting go’, I mean allowing God, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, or the Higher Power to take control. Truthfully, no human soul has ever met success alone. Your favorite celebrities didn’t make it to stardom by themselves. When these celebs win an accolade or an award, what’s in most of their acceptance speeches? I want to thank soing-so, like managers, agents, mentors, and fans, right?

Let me give you an example about letting go: The Journey of Ruthie Belle – my soon-to-be freshmen novel, my baby, and my fourth child. The editing has been completed, it’s been typeset, and proofread, and all it needs is to be printed. The intended release date was suppose to have been during the 50^th anniversary of the March on Washington (August 28). It would have also marked an approximately one year of Zion’s Road release, as well as the grim anniversary of Emmitt Till’s brutal death. With the release of TJRB during that week would’ve not only been perfect, but if you guest-read the manuscript along with reading of Zion’s Road, you would’ve discovered my hidden inspirations.

I won’t get into details as to what has happened. However, I will say being an indie author in an already fickle business is tough. Things will go awry when we least expect it. Having said that, TJRB is not dead – actually it’s ready for release but it has to overcome one more hurdle. And as soon as I achieve that goal, I will let you, the VIP’s, know a definitive date.

Weeks ago I grew weary for fear of disappointing you fine people. But I realized after the tears and lots of prayers, I had to let it go and to put it in the right Person’s hands. I mean…hello…He gave me the talent to write, so I’m sure He knows what He’s doing.

So please don’t give up me on yet, the ride has only begun.

Love,

Imani Wisdom

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WHAT NON-POETS DO WHEN WE'RE BLISSFULLY CONTENT

My beacon that shines above

that illuminates a weary soul.

You’re a blessing with no disguise;

a right thief that comes gently

into the night.

How long has it been?

Days turned to weeks;

then weeks turned to months

Now years?

And yet, you’re still here;

patiently waiting for that day

when you and I are more than you and I

When two souls emerge into an infinite one.

You’ve shown me patience

You’ve shown me kindness

You’ve never, ever, boast

You’re never, ever, been the type to self-seek

You’re just a man, a unique man

Who flaws I adore more

than the rest of your perfections.

I care for more of who you are

than what you are.

I heed to your grace;

the darkness of your skin

Your exquisite smile

Your God-fearing ways

And yet I’m waiting for that day;

when saying those words,

those ever precious,

sacred words

rolling from my lips

onto yours

with a thunderous, yet sweet kiss.

To be bound by your soul

To be enamored by your wit

To be enthralled by compassion

I hunger for your desire

I yearn for your strength

You’re my midnight

as I’m your stars,

painting through the sky.

With a stroke of destiny’s brush;

allowing the wind to create something

special

perhaps, a prelude to such

Still, you’re a man who’s never been proud

Not easily-angered

or point out wrongs

You’re just man, a unique man

who rides on hope when it’s rare to hope

who’s faithful when faithless is the trend.

A man who I respect,

my lover, my best friend.

I’m not a poet by heart

Hopeless romantic on occasions,

but a woman with this expression

that run deep,

deep beyond any emotion.

Feelings are so overwhelming

they’re like a riveting potion

So, yes, I feel the same way

And still hoping to the day;

when you and I becomes an infinite one.

Blissfully content.

Blissfully done.

To be continue…

©2013, Imani Wisdom

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C. Michelle Ramsey Ask 'Is The Grass Really Greener?'

*CONTEST IS CLOSED

 I have one word for this talented author: Genuine. Year ago I’d taken the liberty to meet this wonderful writer when she reviewed my novelette, Zion’s Road. Though it wasn't her kind words I received in her review I found her fascinating, but her innate spirit. So I’m pleased to introduce you to this week’s guest blogger – C. Michelle Ramsey, the author of the new book, Is The Grass Really Greener? Also, show some love by leaving a comment on this post. By doing so, you’ll be automatically qualified to win a free copy of this new release.

IS THE GRASS REALLY GREENER?

Five women, five lives, five secrets. Each woman is battling her own personal demons, and hiding a secret from her friends and family.

Each of them envies another's life, wishing her life was different, wishing she had what the other woman had. But what happens when what appears to be real, is all a façade?

Battling breast cancer, single parenthood, infidelity, the loss of a child, and managing the single life, can become overwhelming for these ladies.

Not satisfied with their lives, looking for something better, they contemplate alternative choices to improve their lives; crossing over to the other side of the fence is a very real possibility. We can't see beyond the choices we make, but we must be held accountable for them.

And after they have crossed the fence, they realize two things simultaneously. Yes, the grass was greener on the other side; and also their grass could have been just as green had they taken care of it. 

EXCERPT:

Courtney found herself nodding her head to the beat of the music, more than she was focused on her report. Anita Baker’s “I Apologize” was on the radio playing softly in the background on KSTORM. She had to get this report done for tomorrow morning’s budget meeting. Stretching back in her chair, she let out a long yawn and shook her head to shake the sleep off. It was 11:55 at night and she knew that she had to be up at four in the morning. But these numbers just weren’t shaking out right.

The right thing to do would be to put it away and go upstairs with Nate and go to bed. She found herself going to bed after her husband more and more these days. She used to be the one who was knocked out by eight or nine o’clock, but not anymore. Some nights she was still up until two or three in the morning, if she didn't have an early day at the office. Nate didn't question it, because he didn't want to be bothered with her anyway. She couldn't remember the last time they had sex. She stopped to ponder that thought, had it really been five months now? Damn, it had. Seems as if she was always attempting to get him in the mood, and the last time she had done that he had brushed her off and he didn't show even the slightest interest in her.

“Lonely hearts, find someone to love. Fellas, take care of your women; remember to love them long and strong, ‘cuz if you don’t, another brother will. And to all my lovely ladies, I’m wishing you a good night out there in the ATL; thanks for spending another night with me. And come back tomorrow for another night of love with Hypnotiq on the Storm.”

And with that he blew his traditional kiss and Pierce was off the radio for the night. As if this were some subliminal cue, Courtney closed her folder, switched off the radio on the bookshelf behind her, walked over to the doorway, switched off the light in her office, and walked upstairs to her bedroom. She was halfway up the steps when it hit her.

Damn, she thought to herself, I’ve been staying up half the night every night to hear the voice of a stranger. I’m falling for a man who I don’t even know. She started walking back down the steps to her office and flicked on the light and sat in her chair behind her desk.

Courtney furiously ran her hands through her hair shaking her head in disbelief. What the hell is this? I’m falling for a man I don’t know? He’s a kid from the old neighborhood that’s what it’s got to be. He brings back pleasant memories for me at this rough time in my life. Hell I had one cup of Joe with this man and ran into him at my art exhibit, and I sit up every night to hear his voice on the damn radio, how pathetic am I? He might have a girl, hell for all I know he might not be interested in women anyway, or black women, she shook her head laughing at that one. The way he came on to her that night she highly doubted it.  “This is crazy, it doesn’t even matter. I’m a married woman…not happily, but I’m married just the same and I love my husband with all my heart,” she said aloud, “I’m taking my butt to bed, I’m tired…that’s what it is,” and once again she repeated the steps she had just taken, not even three minutes earlier.

But this time when she got to the bedroom Nate wasn’t asleep. He was sitting in the bed staring at the TV. She could tell he wasn’t watching it. Courtney decided it would be best to not say anything, because she didn’t want to argue. All of their words turned into arguments these days and they couldn’t have decent communication. But it wasn’t to be.

“Courtney, I want a divorce,” Nate said.

Thinking she must have lost her mind, or maybe forgot to clean the wax from her ears, she turned over in the bed to face him. “Huh?” she said, a little befuddled.

“I want a divorce,” he repeated in that same monotone he had just used.

“Why?” she asked with panic rising up in her throat.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore, I can’t do this,” he explained.

“Do what Nate?”

“Do us, this thing we call a marriage, this faking it we’re doing day by day, I can’t do it anymore,” he said with a little emotion coming into his voice.

“Look Nate, I know that you’re hurting, I’ve been hurting, too. And what’s hurting the most is that you’re shutting me out. You won’t even talk to me. I know you’re grieving baby, we’re both grieving, but you didn’t suffer this loss alone. I did, too and just like we lost him together we have to find a way to heal together, to go on with our future,” she pleaded.

“I don’t think you heard me. There’s no future for us,” Nate responded a little more passionately this time.

C. Michelle's Bio

An avid reader since her primary years, Michelle saw books as an escape mechanism. Excited by the worlds, and characters that could be created with a touch of the imagination, she began writing her own stories at the age of 12. The more enamored with storytelling she became, the more she wanted to create stories about the suffering, and hardships she saw others enduring, with one twist…her characters would rise above their adversities and limitations, but not always with traditional endings.

This busy wife, and mother of three, exchanged her Girl Scout Leader pins for her creative writing pen, as she began to focus on publishing her novels. In her spare time, when she isn’t writing, she enjoys reading mystery novels, watching NBA, remodeling their home with her husband, and spending time with him and their children. Having recently received her MBA in Human Resource Management, she says she cannot wait for the day when writing becomes her full-time career. “If I can show my readers they are not alone, in dealing with their challenges, and that they can rise above their limitations, I have achieved my goal,” Ramsey says.

Contact Info:

Website: www.cmichelleramsey.com

FB: Author C Michelle Ramsey

Twitter: @CMichelleRamsey

Blog: www.writingmydreams.com

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