A Brand New Courtney- A Shero's Journey From Being Broken to Being Blessed!

“The “make up” of Courtney M. Hawkins is that of one, who through sheer strength of will, finds a way to live through it all! From brokenness to blessedness, Courtney’s testimony is nothing short of a miracle. She has reached a place in her  healing process to be a blessing to someone else.” -Pastor Darrell L. Fairer Faith Bible Tabernacle, Buffalo, NY

Courtney Hawkins

We all are on a life journey, and Courtney takes us on one of healing, redemption and growing from being Broken to Being Blessed. “Dr. Courtney" new memoir, The Make-up of Me: Embrace Your Natural Beauty is one every woman going through the journey of rebirthing and unmasking oneself should read. She shares how she healed with the grace of God and his mercy. She broke from the the bondage of self-hatred, guilt, self-hatred, guilt, shame, incompetence, depression, anxiety and thoughts about suicide. Her words will inspire you, encourage and motivate you to love yourself.

1.      Courtney, I would first like to thank you for allowing me to the opportunity to write an article about you. Could you give the readers the make-up of Courtney?

“Dr. Courtney” is a woman of passion, perseverance and vision. Her purpose is to coach and assist the broken hearted through their delivery and healing process. She is a Minister, Author, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, Mental Health First Aid Trainer, Life Coach and Public Speaker.

“Dr. Courtney” is admired for her strength, courage and willingness to be very transparent about her flaws with hopes others may feel freed to embrace their own.  Her very straight forward and straightforward approach has her dubbed as the Dr. who’s “A tough pill to swallow”.

1.      What spark the idea to write a memoir and share your life story?

As an overcomer who has endured same-sex molestation, rape and a survivor of a fatal car accident that claimed another’s life, I understand how it feels to be broken. As a result, of these events, I was filled with self-hatred, guilt, shame, incompetence, depression, anxiety and thoughts about suicide.

Tired of hiding and determined to break free of mental and emotional bondage, I chose to surrender my fears and do the work necessary to live an abundant life. I selected to accept the transformational power of forgiveness, grace and mercy for my life which is legally bestowed to me as a child of God, and now I continually practice self-love while embracing my flaws and all.

This book is an eye into my diary of healing. I wanted to chronicle my life through my memoir while being optimistic that others would read it and uncover vital insights that will guide the reader into embracing their natural beauty. Also, with hopes that the reader will discover within the pages the written keys that will unlock their truth that can support them in setting themselves free.

2.      Share a little about The Make-up of Me: Embrace Your Natural Beauty and why you chose that title?

Generally speaking “Makeup” has been used for countless generations to make oneself more attractive by masking their imperfections and flaws.  Flaws and blemishes can be an embarrassment to many people.  Because many of us lack the courage and confidence needed to accept and embrace our flaws we misrepresent ourselves by covering them with masks.

I chose to name the book “The Makeup of Me: Embrace Your Natural Beauty” because I wanted to remove my mask and expose myself so that others who witnessed my trials and tribulations would also know of God’s healing power.  I wanted to share my story so that others would be freed to embrace their flaws and share their own stories. 

3.       4. What words of encouragement would you like to share with women who are in the rut of life and feel like they will never recover?”

Here’s an excerpt from her Memoir The Make-up of Me: Embrace Your Natural Beauty and why you chose that title and Chapter “EMBRACELET.”

“Embracing the truth and letting go of the lies that I told myself was a process for me and remains a practice that I continue on a daily basis.  Just as I accept brand new mercies and grace for myself daily, I also make a conscious effort to embrace something positive and let go of something negative.   What lies are you telling yourself that you should let go of?  What truths do you need to embrace?”- Courtney M. Hawkins

Here are a few to consider…

Embrace                                                                Let go of

I’m fearfully and wonderfully made                  I’m flawed and imperfect 

I’m more than a conqueror                                I’m not enough

I’m unconditionally loved by the King                No one loves me

4.      What have you learned (or still learning) since being in the business of self-publishing?

 I’ve learned to trust myself and believe in my abilities. That with God’s guidance I can accomplish things that I didn’t know I was capable of doing on my own.

5.       Tell me a little about your company Broken Branches, Inc.?

 Broken Branches Inc. Provides a wide range of programming that pertain to an individual’s mental health.  Our Mission is to comfort those who mourn, restore healthy relationships, and increase mental health awareness in our communities with the hope that individuals live a more healthy, abundant and productive life.  Our Motto: Lean on us for your Life, Health, and Strength!

6.      Lastly, if you had to choose one person living or dead who would you like to have a dinner with?

I would love to have dinner with Karyn Washington. Karyn was the beautiful visionary behind the encouraging and uplifting website, Forbrowngirls.com.   She created the forum to celebrate the beauty of darker shades of brown skin, to encourage women to embrace the skin they’re in. At just the age of 22, while finding it difficult to grieve the loss of her mother Karyn committed suicide.

I wish I were able to comfort her during her time of grieving.  I wish I could’ve told her that she can lean on me for her Life, Health and Strength. 

 You can follow her on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/Voniquedesigns

Thank you for allowing me as well as so many women share in your journey tragedy but teaching us to see that each struggle, each life changing journey is God's road map to your true purpose.  

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BIG CHANGES ARE COMING TO PINK NOIRE

Starting in January 2016, the Pink Noire Lounge will go into hiatus – well, kind of. Authors, Jamesina Green and Tamyara Brown, will continue to feature talented people every month, and on occasion, I will throw in a few posts on healthy living and empowerment, and updates on my debut novel, THE JOURNEY OF RUTHIE BELLE.

Why the change?

As visionaries, we all have to grow; and sometimes, growth means taking on endeavors to help expand our ideas and dreams. So the Lounge will not stop bringing you great stories on gifted people, just not as many in one month.  

What about the Urban Ebook Fair?

In the final weekend of January is the fair’s first anniversary, and after that it will go from a monthly event to every quarter. This means the #UEBFair will be held every three months. Also, there will be major changes as far as the length of the fair. PN wants to be more inclusive when it comes to International authors and readers, and certain genres; so expanding the time is a must.

If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to write to us: imani@imaniwisdom.com

Merry Christmas,

Imani Wisdom and the Pink Noire family

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Tamyara Brown: Phenomenally Empowered!

Author of Blue’s Treasure and The Gatekeeper of Secrets, this decorated storyteller have stepped into the literary scene as a blushing novice. With her unwavering support to authors and her growth as a writer in a competitive industry, Brown had expanded her brand – with her business partner, Jeanell Byers – Taylor – and created “Beautifully Me Undefined”, a blog for the spirit of women of all shapes and sizes.

This breast cancer survivor, a mother of six, and a grandmother to four, Tamyara Brown’s literary legacy is only in its infancy. Her natural ability to give life to her characters and the vividness of her storylines, proves this author will leave a indelible mark as a unforgettable novelist. 

Imani: First off, welcome to The Pink Lounge. I'm very excited you're here, not because you and I share similar backgrounds and interests, but you have an incredible and inspiring story. So, in your own words tell the readers who Tamyara Brown is?

Tamyara: Tamyara Brown is an author who loves writing outside of the box. I am a mother of six beautiful children as well as a grandmother of four beautiful grandchildren. I am resilient. I am an entrepreneur I love inspiring and seeing others do well.

Imani: From what I read on your bio, your strength as a mother of six, a Breast Cancer survivor and of Domestic Violence, and caring for your son who has a rare kidney condition is an inspiration itself. That being said, as a writer myself, I know creativity doesn't come in the drop of a hat; it'll come when it comes. So tell me, how you muster the time, and more importantly, the emotions to write such eloquent work?

Tamyara: It is my passion, my joy but most of all a way for me to express myself as a person. A lot of my writing is inspired by the community I live in, people I meet every day and encounter with. As writers we often listen more and we are drawn to always ask, "What if"? My mind wonders what would happen if this person or situation went a different route. Sitting with my son at dialysis is my down time to really write and pour myself into the book I am writing. It is an attitude that trials and tribulations will not stop me at all.

Imani: All of your children seem to be one of your sources of inspiration; especially giving you words of encouragement. But a young man named, Ruben, pushes you into believing you can do ANYTHING your heart desire. Tell us more about this motivator and what's the recent "words of wisdom" he had shared with his mother? 

Tamyara: He is indeed my inspiration he has been battling a rare kidney disease named FSGS and nephritic syndrome. He has endured many challenges and now being on dialysis three times a week, 25 pills a day and he still smiles. He encourages me because my belief is if he can fight with every fiber of his being to stay resilient. I have no excuse. His last quote was during therapy, “The greatest love is letting go of what doesn't feel like love, what doesn't treat me like love and hurts so much it burns your heart. I let go of this one person because I love me the best and I don't deserve love that hurts. No one does."

“The greatest love is letting go of what doesn't feel like love, what doesn't treat me like love and hurts so much it burns your heart. I let go of this one person because I love me the best and I don't deserve love that hurts. No one does."

Imani: What I'm most impressed with you is the soul you put into your work - from your debut novel "Blues Treasure", to "The Gatekeeper of Secrets, and your upcoming release, "Fat Girl Vigilante", how did your soul speak to you to write each story? Let's start off with "Blues Treasure" and then to your next works.

Tamyara: Blue's Treasure was truly inspired by a relationship with someone I love and though we are not together he loved me unconditionally. He was incarcerated and I decided to go into his world of how it felt to have the woman he loves not write or visit. Even though the story is fictional the emotion is real. I thought of the consequences, the pain and anger he felt and how powerful love really is. That men love just as hard as women do. I wanted to put the question out there does love really conquer all? Can love cut through anger? Does it mend a broken heart and most importantly men no matter how tough and strong have feelings at the end of the day. Harper Blue was created in the likeness of him. I also wanted to touch on domestic violence and that professional women become abused by their mate. I touch on forgiveness and drug abuse.

Gatekeepers of Secrets is one of my favorite novels which is on Wattpad. It touches on a man who is sexually molested as a child and for all these years he has kept it secret. He was raised in a Christian home and a father who is the pillar of the community. How do you tell the world the Bishop of the church and community leader is a child molester? I allowed my mind to go places of a man who has it all together, who too is a community leader but also has a dark past. So many people believe when a man is molested he turns to drugs and alcohol which isn't true. In William Matters case he became driven, ambitious, working without sleep for hours to cover up the truth.

Fat Girl Vigilante was written out of anger, hurt and pain I was going through. It was being angry at the world and I needed to vent. So I created a story about a woman who is the first serial killer. She is on a rampage but more than anything she can't get over the hurt and pain of being teased as a plus size woman, being cheated on and not feeling love. I want every woman of size to realize you can fix the outer but the inner is what is in need of repair.

Imani: Besides being a prolific author, you're also a poet. When did you start writing the craft? And will you publish your poetry, or collaborate with other poets to make an anthology?

Tamyara: Poetry is my first love and I started writing when I was 11 years old. I became inspired by a poem Langston Hughes wrote called, "The Negro Mother". I instantly became fan and started writing my own poetry. I began writing every day and I haven't stopped. I would love to publish my poetry for the world to read and I have contributed poetry to three anthologies.

 Imani: As an artist, we have muses or person(s) we admired to help shape our craft. So, who is your inspiration and if they were here right now, what would say to them?

Tamyara: I have to say I admire Treasure Blue as an inspiration. Kisha Green for the business portion and you, Imani. Each of you drop gold nuggets of knowledge about the business. I truly thank each of you for every tip and lesson about writing. For being open and honest. Willing to answer questions and listen. I am grateful for each of you because I am better writer because of it. Imani, we both where new to writing and you'd email me information. You gave me my first guest blogging spot. That meant the world to me.

 Imani: They say life is a journey and you are a proven fact. In the last year, you've taken up a new passion - graphic designing. How did you learn to balance this new craft with an already full-plate?

Tamyara: Graphic Designing came from honestly not being able to afford one. My Uncle Khalid once told me, “If you can't afford it then learn how to do it yourself." I begin looking at videos on Youtube, reading blogs, learning how to code and just practicing every day. I just ran with it and it became more like a second new passion of mine.

Imani: Among your notable titles, you're also a blogger. You have a successful blog called, Beautifully Me Undefined. Tell us more about this site and how did you come up with the concept?

Tamyara: Beautifully Me Undefined came about one day when I realize we as women don't celebrate our bodies, ourselves. We think celebrating you have to perfect. A size two or four. I wanted plus size women to be bold, feel beautifully themselves at all times and live life without limitations. Your weight doesn't and never will determine your worth. It became a movement along with my partner Jeanell Byers- Taylor. I want plus size women to feel empowered. I want women all over the world to feel sexy and rock their curves. Beauty and Love doesn't have a waist size.

Imani: Okay, let me say to all of the readers, this woman is a powerhouse when it comes to writing. She writes all of time, despite of an uncertain publishing date - she goes on no matter what. So, within your library of finished work or work-in-progress, or even Beautifully Me Undefined what can we expect from Tamyara Brown in the future?

Tamyara: Thank you, Imani. I am currently working on a story called, “I AM Here" which you read on Wattpad. I am also working on another book called the, " B.L.A.H Diaries" (Broke, Lonely, Angry and Horny). As For Beautifully Me Undefined it is my goal to have my first conference of workshops, celebrity speakers and two days of empowering plus size women to step out of their shell and shine. Filled with tips on fashion, make-up, hair, how to open and start a business as well as self-publishing your book.

 Imani: Tell us one thing you haven't shared with your readers. It can be a quirk, a favorite food, or a hidden talent. The floor is yours.

Tamyara: I love to write erotica. Often people are afraid of the SEX word. I like stepping out of myself and creating a moment that will make people melt away their inhibitions. Sex is about power play of the mind, the soul and heart. Using those three to seduce a reader to think hmm I would like to try that with my husband/lover. I love writing what people are afraid to talk about. It is like the librarian who has a crush on the security guard. Or the business woman who is infatuated with the thug or the nerd. Imagine the magic you can ignite between those two souls once they let go of what people might think. The man who models but desires a plus size woman. Erotica gives me permission to break boundaries and change the rules of what is sexy. Every man and woman has a definition of what they consider sexy. Erotica gives you the room to explore and make people squirm in their seats.

"Erotica gives me permission to break boundaries and change the rules of what is sexy. Every man and woman has a definition of what they consider sexy. Erotica gives you the room to explore and make people squirm in their seats."

Imani: What I admire most about you is your no-nonsense approach of how beauty is supposed to be; whether of what shape or size, your mantra is "Beauty is skin deep". So, are we to expect an erotic novel proving size doesn't matter in the bedroom?

Tamyara: Yes and I think sexy is the confidence a woman feels. For a moment I use to think sexy is the right size, the right body, the pretty face, hair etc. The truth is sexy is about letting go fears of what YOU think. The novel will challenge the myths we create about our bodies. A man wanting you to fit society standards for beauty. I want plus size beauties to know they can be sexy and there are men who love every inch of them.

Imani: Finally, if you were to plan a dinner party and have extended the guest list with three legendary figures (living or not), who would they be and what would you say to each of them?

Tamyara: I would like to invite Maya Angelou, J. California Cooper, Langston Hughes, Terry McMillian, James Patterson, Jodi Piccoult, Danielle Steele and Mary B. Morrison.

Imani: Great choices. Now before we conclude our chat, could you share with readers where they can learn more about FSGS and Nephrotic syndrome?

Tamyara: For more information on FSGS and Nephritic Syndrome. Please go to www.nephcure.org, which is a community centered on finding a cure for FSGS (Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis) and Nephrotic Syndrome.

Imani: Tamyara, thank you for taking the time to stop by The Lounge for this conversation. I had a blast. Tell the readers where you they can purchase "Blues Treasure" and your other works, as well as finding you on the web?

Tamyara: http://www.amazon.com/Blues-Treasure-Tamyara-Brown/dp/0985829990

Twitter: @tamluvstowrite

https://twitter.com/Beautymeundefin

Facebook: www.facebook.com/tamluvstowrite                            

www.facebook.com/beautifullymeundefined

Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/tamyara-brown/36/830/a7b

Google: https://plus.google.com/110148527626968911093/posts

Website: http://www.beautifullymeundefined.com 

email: tamluvstowrite@gmail.com

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WARRIOR GODDESS

 By Tamyara Brown

 I am not just Breast Cancer. There's more to me than that I 'm a goddess. I am more than the many days I may feel ill. I am a warrior I fight even when it seems I can't go on. I do all it all in the name of being a survivor. I am not just Breast Cancer. I am a diva who's beautiful, charming and full of grace with or without hair. Watch out now my swagger is fierce and my smile is bright as the sunrise. With the rain at the end of my rainbow is a pot of gold.

My battles are long and struggles are overwhelming. My inner strength gives me reason to overcome my obstacles that is set before me. My sorrows may rain on my parade but I always bring beautiful roses to bloom. My battles are long and struggles are overwhelming. My inner strength gives me a million reasons to go on. I am Warrior Goddess!

In My Own Words...

If you ask me to define courageous women and I will point to the thousands of women who is battling or surviving Breast Cancer. I am a breast cancer survivor who has reached her fifth year without recurrence of this disease. In 2007, I was diagnose and went through the battle of being a living testimony of becoming a Warrior Goddess. I can’t take full credit because it was Lloyd Smith who encourages me to go to the doctor and get that lump checked out, who cried and went through my first chemo treatment with me. It was the wonderful support of doctors, family and friends who took care of me and cheered me on. It was my daughter’s who made mommy cups of tea and rub my back when I was sick. My sons, who said, “ Mommy your bald hair is sexy.” It was the retreat with the many single moms like myself I met with Cancer who I laugh with, talked and watched without a Trace.

As I write this I encourage so many of my family, friends and those dear and near to me to Love yourself-Love your Tatas. Please in this world where we are so busy with the hustle and bustle of life, I need you to stop to care for yourself. We as women do have a tendency to forget we need to care for ourselves. We to take time out to love our Tatas enough to take fifteen minutes to ensure cancer is not growing in our breasts by doing monthly self breast exam. That we are healthy to enjoy the fruits of our labor and push on to doing what is best for our families.

According to Breast Cancer. Org. In 2010, an estimated 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 54,010 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.

About 39,840 women in the U.S. were expected to die in 2010 from breast cancer, though death rates have been decreasing since 1990. These decreases are thought to be the result of treatment advances, earlier detection through screening, and increased awareness.

Early Detection along with monthly self breast exam and yearly mammograms account for why so many of us are surviving the battle. So I know we get crazy with our day to day business, ours hands are full being a mommy, sister, wife and best friend. In order to fulfill those needs I can now take care of the tasks that come before me healthy and strong. My daughter Alice is always on me about loving my Tatas-Loving myself and not missing doctor’s appointments.

Being among Warrior Goddesses who are living with and surviving cancer are the wind beneath my wings. They’re challenged daily like I was we when we was going through but so many of us preserve and give the best fight we know how with a huge smile on face. I realize that if I can survive Breast Cancer then anything that comes my way is a breeze. So with that said begin to LOVE YOURSELF-LOVE YOUR TATAS!

© 2011 Tamyara Brown- Tamluvstowrite

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My First Time Being Made Love To...

By Tamyara Brown


Every one can recall the first time you have sex. The first person to pop your cherry and it set’s the precedence that you are now a woman hear your kitten purr. Now usually we are just experiencing sex and it’s basically that for some. Do you remember the first time a man made love to you? It is a difference between the two. Yet the most beautiful moment that any woman can experience is when a man makes love to you for the very first time. He is in love and you are the only person he wants to be with. The gaze in his eyes, his touch soft and gentle. The sound of your voice makes him erect. He has anticipated making love to you all day long. You are on his mind until that evening approaches and there is no place he rather be but in your arms. Well here’s my story

I open the door and immediately the scent of vanilla awakens my senses, the room illuminated with only the flicker of the flames. My Nubian King stood with his arms open he kissed and hugged me. His voice deep and seductive whispered,

“ I thought about you all day long. I miss you so much.” His warm embrace took the chill off my body from the cold of the weather.

“I miss you too.” I whispered.

He stood and looked at me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world.  There in the middle of the living room he undressed me removing my coat, my funny fuzzy hat and my gloves he placed them on the hook. He kissed me again and I knew what he desired of me. To take our relationship to the next level he had waited the ninety plus days. He wined, dined and catered to my every need. We where friends before we was lovers.

“I have fallen in love with you Baby. I want to make love to your mind, your body and soul. Can I do that please?”

That request was answered as I held his face in my hands and kiss his lips. My breast expose to this beautiful man of caramel hue, his body only in his boxers and his hairy chest. He held me close his lips savor the flavor of my neck, my shoulders as his hands began to caress my breast. His voice again began to speak.

“ I knew that you was the woman for me the first time I laid eyes on you. That I wanted you to be my wife, the mother of my children and live the rest of my life with you. It took me one day to realize that and ninety days to confirm the woman before me was meant for me.”

I wanted to speak but could only manage to purr as his mouth caressed my breasts and his hand slid down my belly.  He opened the button and slid my jeans and panties off my full hips. I step out of my jeans showing my kitty perfectly waxed with only the letter of his name. He smiled and touched it ever so gently. His finger traced the letter and then he kneels before me. I held my breath as he kissed it. He pulled me down gently and lay me on the floor.

He spread my legs and stuck out his tongue licking his lips preparing to taste me. He licked my kitty until she and I purred and purred. I needed to touch this man that I fallen in like and in love with. My hands grasp his erection stroking him until I decided I needed to taste him. I lifted up and push him back the smell of him, the sight of his length and girth became my aphrodisiac. The feel of his rigged erection inside my mouth turned me on more than he realized. He swallowed; he moaned and grabbed a hand full of my braids as I took him deeper into my mouth. His eyes close and his mouth in the form of an O. 

“ Ooh shit baby. You was so worth the damn wait.” He grunted.

He stopped me because his sense of urgency was to be inside of me. I laid back and he stood there for a moment staring at me. I never saw love in man eyes until I looked into his. He ran his hands over my body once again follow by kisses.  I finally spoke the words I held on to for ninety plus days.

“ I love you.”

“I waited so long for you to say those words. You have no clue how much I love you too.”

The tears that touch my face, which came from his eyes, I then kiss them away. He then entered me and overwhelms me with passion. As he deeply strokes and releases my first orgasm. I shout and know the neighbors know his name. I hold on and the wave of passion spilling from him takes over my whole body. Earthquakes and thunderstorms happen all at once as he and I reach our peak together. As we come down from our love high. He and I hold and caress one another.  I look and hope that same vision of love in his eyes hasn’t disappeared. He looks at me and thank God it hasn’t. He whispers,

“Go to sleep baby your man isn't going anywhere. I’m yours forever”

© Tamyara Brown-Tamluvstowrite, 2011

Author Tamyara Brown, "The love of writing came when I was eleven-years old and I went to the library and pick up three books that change my life. The first was Alice Walker's Color Purple, Toni Morrison The Bluest Eyes and lastly Donald Goines Black Girl lost. At that point and time I felt lost and it was when I wrote my first story. From that moment I fell in love with reading and writing. My debut novel will be out this coming winter FAT GIRL Vigilante."

Visit her Facebook page (here)
Follow her blog (here)

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