IMANI'S "HOW TO" MOMENT: "HE'S" WORKING ME!

Fifteen years is a long time to be in solitude. It’s not that I had, or having trouble finding the “right one”, it’s that I’m focused on taking care of “me”.

You must be asking yourself, why I chose to be single all of that time. Several reasons—for one, I’ve been a caregiver during that time. And I felt bringing someone in my life would put a burden on them they couldn’t handle. Besides, I had nothing to offer for the relationship. I had no substantive income, bad credit, no goals, and writing was not on my mind.

The love and the sacrifices for my mother, aunt, grandparents, and my kids was enough. They became my life. I forgot at that point what it was like to do anything for myself, like go out to dinner with girlfriends; enjoying a relaxing day at the salon; shopping at the mall; spending quiet moments alone, or opening my heart for a specific person. All of those small things taken for granted, I lived without for years.

And let me back track deeper in the past.  Before returning home to care for my mom, I’ve been in a thirteen year relationship with my children’s father. We met in high school, so therefore, we never dated. It went from friends to sex to kids. Then he went back and forth between another chick and I. Before we both knew, I had the three kids with him, and he had his eight.

Now I’m not making him to be a bad guy because what I’ve done after our breakup was just as bad.

I developed a mentality while I enjoyed my carefree (and I put “carefree” mildly) single days after my ex and I went our separate ways, hurt them before they hurt me. Yeah, I have to admit it was stone cold. Yet anyone who been hurt tries to beat the “hurt” before it gets them again. This just doesn’t apply to the ladies, but to the fellas as well.

And ladies, we scream how “strong” we are. We boast it on Facebook or tweet about it on Twitter, “I don’t need a man to be happy”. Before all of that existed, I used to boast, bragged, and stuck my head up high telling the world of how strong of a woman I was. Myself, and many women out here, misconstrued the phrase. When we’re actually saying, ‘I’ve created a wall because of the bullshit of my past’. It’s the wall I created to keep good men from coming in.

Later, I was finding my so-called tough exterior was a lie by jumping to every beckon and call for these men—even the two a.m. booty calls. Then one day, I took a hard look at myself and wondered out loud, ‘what am I doing…I don’t think this is God’s intention to live a self-destructive lifestyle’. So I stopped the madness. I stopped accepting their text messages, phone calls, and the two a.m. booty calls. And the rest is history…

So here I am at this point in my life. I am small business owner of a publishing company, Wickedly Sweet Ink, LLC, and weeks from becoming an official a published author. I am a one woman machine performing my own public relations, accounting, and any other jobs a Chief Executive Officer has to perform. Life is going good, and I’ve never been happier…seriously!

My Imani's "How to" Moment...getting your happy on doesn't mean building walls to protect your feeling. It means to love yourself, finding your purpose of life, or stepping out of your comfort zone to pursue a dream you always wanted to accomplish. And being alone isn’t a bad thing. What inspired me to write this post was from T.D. Jakes’s powerful sermon. He preached—and I’m paraphrasing—God put you in a situation for a reason. Sometimes He wants that loneliness for you for your personal development. In other words, He’s working you when you think He has forsaken you.

All of those years as a caregiver, I thought I was being punished by HIM—and really all along He’s been preparing me for this point in my life.

I could have easily kept holding on to bitterness, or throwing my fists up to God complaining of silly things, or staying in a comfort zone by putting others before me. Then again, life isn’t supposed to be easy, now is it? 

Share: