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| “No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't”~ Marilyn Monroe |
The other day I took a long look at myself, standing timidly with my hands nervously cuffed in front of me. Naked like a jay bird, I stared hard at my reflection. My hair was uncombed. I wore no lashes or makeup. The boobs God gave me haven’t behaved to gravity since my twenties. Sir Issac Newton’s discovery is winning the battle, I thought. I jiggled a bit, hoping the old spring to these girls could perk up. Uh, no! They proved the reality of turning forty is indeed in four months.
Then my eyes pondered to my hips. I could say those crunches and lunges are working. I turned around to glance at my robust ass. Like my boobs, I jiggled it. Solid, I smiled. And yet, I had to find a negative—my thighs. My finger strolled to the dimples between my legs. I thought moving the fat could satisfy my self-doubt. The more I wasted time with the craziness, the more I got depressed. “I guess losing near seventy pounds wasn’t enough” I said out loud with heavy sigh, “I have to find the mundane imperfections.”
I quickly shook my head to wring out the echoed negativity. Feeling like that scared little girl who got teased in school, I wanted to hide beneath my protective shield of bitterness and fear. It soothed a hurt soul; my Vaseline against the world’s bullshit. The glaze shield protected me, comforted me, and kept my eyes dry from tears. And yet at the same, I became lonelier and bitter.
You might be wondering, where’s the coming from? I have so much going for me; such as, the release of my first Novella (Faith Anthology), running the marathon in May, setting my charity, and as I said earlier, losing seventy pounds. I should be outdoors turning cartwheels, shouting in his HOLY name for giving me the strength to complete these goals. But, I’m human. I bleed, cry, and have insecurities.
My Imani’s “How to” Moment”? Insecurities are a part of the human psyche. Some of the most beautiful PEOPLE in the world lack of self-confidence; some of the most prolific Authors suffer am-I-good-enough-syndrome, and even the most powerful leaders in the world are transparent with their anxieties, it shows in their politics. How do they go on? It’s simple, they have to.
The world is not going to stop because we feel bad about ourselves. Blue skies will remain blue, the sun will continue to shine, and day will always turn into night. In other words, as the world moves on, we have to move along with it. If I constantly let my inner demons whisper its negativity, I will never get anything done.
Meanwhile, as I remained coyly in front of that mirror, a spark of reality dove back into my consciousness. Stupid me, let someone’s words get under my skin. I shook my head with a slight giggle, and returned back to my life. Mani, don’t have time for the dumb shit, and neither should you!
Words can be a powerful force; don’t let them take your precious sanity!
