WINE, WINGS, AND PORNO

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Do you know how you can easily learn about a person’s ways without asking them?  Is it the car they drive?  The clothes they wear?  Or, is their shoe size?

Well, wrong, wrong, and for damn sure wrong!  I’ve been disappointed by men who are well over six feet tall, but that’s another blog for another day.  What I’m posting is the utmost of importance.  After all, it’s something you should think about next time when you go on your date.

Case example:

Recently, I received a phone call from this person who I thought I would never hear from again.  What I discovered in his living room, not only made me run the hell out of his apartment, but compelled me to write a blog.  Unfortunately, the posting I had on Myspace had been deleted.  So, I have to rewrite this posting based on the horrible memories from that night.  Furthermore, since I’m ready to get back into the dating game, I felt it was a need to remind myself not to have another date like this one—not ever!

The night was going well on a summer night a few years ago.  We were sitting on the comforts of his leather sofa watching the NBA playoffs.  While we cheered for our own team, he suddenly got quiet.  I thought the beers were getting to him or the nachos, or something. 

From the corner of my eye, I could feel his deep brown eyes penetrating through my spirit.  With skin like mahogany, his presence was unnerving and an iddy biddy intriguing at the same time.  You see, he and I haven’t been more than just friends.  He always mentioned on numerous occasions that we should take our friendship to another level.  I was game until that night.

He don't look this guy, but you get the picture!

While I was enjoying the butter-flavored popcorn, I continued to feel his eyes piercing on me.  Then I slowly turned his way, and saw one of the creepiest smiles I’ve seen on God’s creature.  His lukewarm sexiness was slowly descending to a level of W.T.F.

I presented an awkward sigh by subtly pressing my hand against the leather to scoot down on the couch.  “I have white wine in the refrigerator” he suddenly asked, “Want some?”

“Sure” I quickly replied with uneasy smile. 

When he went to his kitchen, I rolled my eyes and inaudibly exhaled a respite sigh.  What the hell was that, I nervously wondered.  Then beyond the clutter of beer cans and the daily newspaper on his coffee table, I noticed a video cover protruding from behind a paper bag.  Curiosity had the best of me.  So much so, that I leaned forward to discover a huge big booty chick on the cover, squatting showing much of her glory. 

“Hey, Mani” He shouted from the kitchen, “Are ready to watch the video?”

While giving him a menacing stare, my hands were angrily clinched around the DVD as if I was ready to hurl it toward him.  I was speechless beyond words.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against anyone who watches porn.  Actually, there was time I would occasionally watched the videos.  The problem I had at that moment was being invited under false pretenses.  He invited me to watch one of the new releases on DVD, not pornography.  And when he said taking our friendship to another level, I thought dinner, or a movie, and getting to know one another, but not bypassing the essentials of a relationship to the grand slam.  You can’t sample the candy store until you get to know the flavors. 

Still in the kitchen he quickly asked, “Are you hungry?  I can heat up the wings in the microwave?”

“Sure” I answered as I walked toward his bookcase to his DVD collection, “Can I ask you something? What movie are we going to watch?”

I wasn’t sure why he didn’t reply.  It could’ve been the game blaring with the echoes of cheering spectators, or the buzzing sound of the microwave, or the third scenario, he got busted! 

Fumbling through the vast collection of his DVD’s, I discovered out a lot about my friend.  He loved action, thriller, and I saw a few Disney movies which means he have kids.  “Are we going to watch more than one movie?” I inquired.

“Yeah, I hope you’re willing to stay a while.  I have something to show you”.

Just when he said that, I noticed a video that nearly made me puke.  This movie goes beyond any sphere of ordinary porn.  The cover alone was enough to have this brotha committed.  Not only I found one video, but several!  At that point, I was ready to tell him to eff off!

“Is what you got to show me sitting on your bookcase” I wondered out loud as I grimaced at the cover.

He walked out of the kitchen with the wine and wings while answering to my question.  “As a matter of fact, it is…”

Then the same creepy smile he had earlier, disappeared to unexpected shock.  Mr. Man knew he got busted. 

Seething with anger, I turned to him while holding the videos in each hand.  “What the f*** is this?” I snapped.

Unfortunately for him, his mahogany skin tone had turned to the brightest red.  The blood rush everywhere, but to the one place he had hoped for…


To be continued…

Trust me; this blog is bigger than one post!


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